I am going on 37 wks pregnant this week. I am huge and tired and ready to meet my new baby. I cannot remember the last time I wore normal clothes and I am starting to worry about how long it will take for me to fit back into my normal clothes after the baby comes. I have to force myself not to think too long and hard about it because I know it will only make me depressed-which is silly. I will just worry about that when the time comes.
Being pregnant has made me think long and hard about a lot of different things. It has made me think about my marriage, and my life up to this point, and about how my parents are getting older. The latter part just makes me sad. I see my parents turning into their parents and it worries me. I wish that there was some magical way that I could make them young and strong again.
As for my marriage-well, I have thought about how I could be a better wife. I have also thought about how much of our "alone" time together I have wasted being mad or upset over something silly. I can never get those moments back and now we are having a baby. The only thing I can do now is try my hardest to learn from my mistakes and make sure that I do not waste any more time over foolish feelings.
And last, but not least, I have thought a lot about my life up to this point. What I have accomplished, what I have not. If I am just dreaming up a some perfect life that I will never have and then letting myself be secretly disappointed when I know I will never have that life. I'm finding it harder and harder as I grow older not to get swept up in the whole "keeping up with the Joneses" attitude. I see friends and acquaintances who have nice jobs, nice cars, and nice homes and I wonder why I cannot have the same. At the same time I can honestly say that I love my hodge podge life. I love my little family and our little collection of stuff. We haven't had much luck with vehicles, but we are getting by and I know that God is continually providing for us and I am very grateful. I just need to learn to keep the right perspective.
After all of these thoughts things do not seem any easier, or clearer, but they remind me to be thankful for what I have. I have a husband who loves me, a baby on the way, my parents are close by, and we are managing fine. Can I really ask for more?
